That dog won’t hunt

By Bill Devol

Down where my folks live in Athens County, Ohio, they have a saying which means an idea or action makes no sense and is doomed to failure…“That dog won’t hunt.”

Mr. President, as to sending arms to people in Syria in hopes that they use them only on their repressive, homicidal, secular government…”That dog won’t hunt.”

That is one really stupid idea. Only a complete idiot would try something like that just because the Republicans are calling him a pussy. All you have to do is resist what appears to be an insane impulse to George W. Bushify your presidency.

Only a man with straw between his ears could look into the future of giving bad guys guns to shoot badder guys and see flowers and accolades. Crap, next you’ll be in a codpiece-enhanced flight suit and giving a “Mission Accomplished” speech on the deck of the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan.

Rob Rogers, the editorial cartoonist for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, has drawn a cartoon in which a man dressed like Uncle Sam stands before a mirror holding a piece of paper with Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan written on it. The “Uncle Sam” in the mirror is holding a piece of paper that says, “93,000 dead in Syria.”

The Uncle Sam looking into the mirror is saying, “I’ve got three reasons why we shouldn’t get involved in Syria.”

The reflection Uncle Sam is saying, “I’ve got more than three reasons why we should!”

Mr. President, that first list should include the Korean War. The Korean War came so closely on the heels of World War II that we tend not to immediately lump it in with the other “police action” cluster fucks we’ve been involved in. Make no mistake Korea was a cluster fuck.

If you add together the American dead from the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan you see what comes from trying to police the world…dead Americans.

Now, Mr. President, add together all the benefits accrued to the United States of America from our involvement in those wars, and all you get are dead Americans.

Korea is still a mess, and the leader of North Korea is a dangerous douche bag. During the Vietnam War, Senator John McCain was held in an infamous North Vietnamese prison nicknamed the Hanoi Hilton, and now there is an actual Hilton Hotel in Hanoi.

Iraq was and is a disaster that earned us a reputation as torturers and created more dead Americans. In Afghanistan the President we prop up with our military and economic aid, Hamid Karzai, makes Anti-American statements on a regular basis…AND…in return we get dead Americans.

Every time we blunder into a shooting match for “humanitarian” reasons, we create more widows and orphans and get nothing in return except the enmity of the humans we intended to save…oh, and dead Americans.

If we are to be the world’s police department, we must accept the price…no love from the people we protect and dead Americans. There has never been any other outcome.

My father was in both the Korean and Vietnam Wars twice each. He is proud of his service, and we are proud of Dad’s service. I thank God Dad made it home safe all four times, but I’ve got to weigh the benefit of those wars against the dead Americans that came out of those wars…I find the equation lacking.

Mr. President, if you do this thing so the guys don’t call you a pussy, every widow, widower, and orphan you produce will do nothing to make you look manlier. You’ll be another idiot that had to show how big his swinging dick was by seeing how many flag-draped coffins he can ship home to grieving families.

Here is a song from back in the day that says it much better than I:

War, it ain’t nothing but a heartbreaker
War, it’s got one friend
That’s the undertaker
Ooooh, war, has shattered
Many a young man’s dreams
Made him disabled, bitter and mean
Life is much too short and precious
To spend fighting wars these days
War can’t give life
It can only take it away

(War by Edwin Starr)

So, Mr. President, what is it going to be…you turning into George W. Bush or you showing you still have some sense of decency? You do realize that if you do this thing, the Republicans will NEVER love or respect you…that dog won’t hunt.

Plus, history shows us how this goes…first its guns and bullets, and then it’s advisors, and then some advisors get dead, and then we send troops and they start to come home in body bags…the circle of life or, more accurately, death.

Tick-Tock, Mr. President…should we order more body bags, or what?

I never saw that coming

By Bill Devol

Wow, the government has access to all the online and phone information available about me and everyone else…I never saw that coming.

I personally don’t care if Uncle Sam knows how many times I’ve searched for “Topless Naughty Nurses in Thongs,” but I am shocked, shocked, I tell you, that the government would…sorry, I can’t keep a straight face.

Raise your hand if you are truly surprised that the government has been pulling together all available information on as many people as possible. If you raised your hand, look up naive in Webster’s; I think you’ll see your picture.

Since the days of the ink pot and the quill pen, the government has been keeping tabs on its citizens. The only thing different about America 2013 is that we went and made it too fucking easy for the government to know shit the government doesn’t need to know.

Little Arnie stud muffin can’t comprehend that the picture of his dong he sent to that girl he met at church camp last summer will always be available to any person with an internet connection…how can he understand that his government (a creature that thrives on knowing secrets) loves that it can tell with a few key strokes where Arnie and his cell phone were all day.

“Well, if you don’t have anything to hide why does it bother you?”

The government doesn’t need to know that I requested the latest and supposedly last Charlaine Harris, Sookie Stackhouse novel from the Geauga County Library last week.

“The government is keeping us safe.”

Hell, the government was warned about the 9/11 terrorists and didn’t do squat. The government knew the oldest Boston Marathon bomber was up to no good and didn’t do squat. What good is all that information if they don’t use it to keep us healthy and unexploded?

Everything you email everybody winds up in the government’s info-hungry stomach. They know everything about you. The “Cloud” is like an internet party line.

History lesson for the kids…a party line was a phone line that a number of homes shared. Each home had a separate phone number, but each number caused a different ring sequence. My Grandfather’s ring sequence was two long rings and a short ring. Everybody that shared the phone line knew my Grandpa got a call if they knew his ring sequence. Nosy neighbors would listen to other people’s phone calls…just like today!

We can’t put this toothpaste back in the tube. That game is way over. The government has always grabbed what bits it could about folks. You never know when you might want to blackmail a Kennedy with information that they were sleeping with a known Nazi sympathizer during WW II (true story).

I would be outraged, but I’ve known for a long time that the scariest words in any language are, “Hello, I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.”

If you want no risks, you have to be totally off the grid. Unfortunately living off the grid is nearly impossible. The government knows what I buy at Giant Eagle, Winn Dixie, Acme Markets, Pet Supplies Plus, Pet Smart, Kmart, and anywhere else I have a connivance card. I am scrutinized and digitized every day of my life.

My only comfort is that I’m not important enough to squash. I don’t have much money, so I don’t give any of it to Political Action Committees or political parties. If someone held a gun to my head in an attempt to get money, they’d either have to shoot or go away empty handed.

Granted, a search of my Facebook page would reveal that I am a wild-eyed liberal with some crazy friends, but I don’t advocate the violent overthrow of anything. If being liberal ever becomes a crime with jail time, I have convicted myself.

What I find truly nutty is the notion that conservatives have that spying on hippies is good and spying on conservatives is bad. Realizing that our government spies on everyone, you would think that we could agree that spying is bad…nope, spying on hippies is good…spying on the Tea Party is bad…or…spying on the Tea Party is good and spying on Hippies is bad.

Never the twain shall meet. It’s just another place the government can divide and conquer the populace.

Do not despair that your government is spying on you. It always has. I’m of the opinion that we don’t spy on our own government enough. If the government has to know about my favorite porn sites, I think I should be able to find out which corporations own which politicians…oh wait…we already can, and we don’t seem to give an honest, collective shit about it, as long as the politicians make noises agreeable to us when she or he speaks in public.

There is still a ton of crazy

By Bill Devol

The outhouse rat is not going to run for her House seat in 2014. I am, of course, referring to Michelle Bachmann whom we all know is crazier than an outhouse rat.

Ms. Rat’s particular strain of crazy was mighty strong. But fans of the crazy need not despair…there is still a ton of crazy in America. We should be well stocked on the crazy for many years to come.

In Portland, Oregon, the anti-science mentality has defeated plans to fluoridate the city’s water supply. Good for them. I don’t blame them for not trusting the government (run by a Black guy) to “help” them and their kids. For all we know that fluoride stuff could cause white folk’s peckers to go soft and then all the brown people would take over.

Portland’s new motto could become, “Portland…our teeth are bad, but look at these peckers.”

John McCain, the Republican Senator from Arizona and the bringer of the Palin, went to Syria this past week. He met with the “good” rebels who want to overthrow Bashar al-Assad and then become America’s bestest friends once they take over.

Senator McCain says we can identify the “good” rebels and then arm them. He has a point…what could possibly go wrong with a plan to give radicalized Muslims a bunch of weapons with which they can overthrow a repressive secular regime that is backed by the Russians who have propped up the secular regime with gifts of weapons and money?

Hell, I don’t know. Has such a thing ever been attempted before? How did it turn out for us? We might as well give McCain’s plan a try…what could go wrong?

America’s Attorney General Eric Holder is investigating himself. This is a tried and true method of getting to the bottom of wrong doing at the Justice Department. It has worked well through Democratic and Republican administrations. In all those instances, no Attorney’s General ever found they had done anything wrong.

I don’t know if Eric Holder did anything wrong. He is probably just a victim of the favorite Republican game in Washington, D. C., “blame Obama, et al.,” but you can be sure Holder will find that Holder did nothing wrong.

President Obama spoke last week and suggested that Congress better get busy and remove his power to drone anybody anywhere before it gets out of hand.

Back in the dark times of post-9/11 trauma, Congress gave Dubya the power to blow up any damn thing and any damn people he wanted. There were a few hazy stipulations about the people and places having a direct link to the people that planned and carried out the 9/11 terror attacks, but our President can still pretty much blow up whatever or whomever he feels like blowing up.

Good one, Mr. President, “I wouldn’t be eating these potato chips if the wife hadn’t bought them. I guess there is nothing I can do but keep eating them until she quits buying them.”

Congress, under the stellar leadership of its Speaker, Republican from Ohio John “Tiny” Boehner (pronounced “boner”), has voted 37 times to repeal the Affordable Health Care Act. It doesn’t matter that the Senate is controlled by Democrats so the vote will not be brought up in the Senate. What matters is that Republicans, whom are accused of doing nothing by the lame-stream media, have done something. Rumor has it that vote 38 is just days away.

In Batavia, Illinois, high school social studies teacher, John Dryden, is in big trouble for explaining the Fifth Amendment to his students as it related to a student survey that included questions about drug and alcohol use. Each survey included the student’s name.

Dryden had just finished teaching a unit on the Bill of Rights. The Bill of Rights is the collective name given to the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution which, among other things, provide American citizens the right to religious freedom (Amendment 1), the right to bear arms (Amendment 2), and the freedom from self-incrimination (Amendment 5).

When Dryden explained to his students that they were covered by the Fifth Amendment and need not answer the incriminating questions, he was suspended without pay for one day and reprimanded officially by the Batavia School Board…he could get fired, but the guy is a hippie anyway, so no big deal.

Michelle Bachmann may be drifting out of the public spotlight (dear God, please), but there is still plenty of crazy to go around. Some newer, crazier outhouse rat will surface, or Ms. Rat could decide that America and God need her to run for President again.

Now, that’s crazy in which you can believe.

Latest News

Ohio’s Republicans are busy trying to change laws so that out-of-state college students that vote in Ohio must be charged reduced, “in-state” tuition if the university they attend gives them a letter that informs the local Board of Elections that they have been residents of Ohio for the minimum 30 days required by law to vote in Ohio.

Republicans do suck, but I don’t care today…I’m a Grandpa!

Tabitha Morgan Crim arrived on this planet on May 15. She was well within legal limits at 6 lbs. 11 oz. and 19 inches tall. I hope someday to meet her in person, but, as someone said to me last night, “You should be able to jump up and down celebrating,” so I’ve decided to jump up and down and celebrate.

TMC’s mother and I aren’t speaking, but my daughter’s Facebook page says TMC is doing fine.

I am a grandfather! I, Bill Devol, am some baby’s grandpa, and I think she may be the finest grandchild ever born. From the one picture I’ve seen, Tabitha obviously got her grandfather’s smoking good looks and massive intelligence…and apparently, even at three days old, authorities have felt the need to put the child in some kind of a straight jacket that restrains her hands…does she know karate already?…who cares?

Did I mention that I have a granddaughter?

Tabitha Morgan Crim

Tabitha Morgan Crim

I have a dirty secret

By Bill Devol

I have a dirty secret. I don’t think I can be arrested for it, but it shames, saddens, and angers me grievously.

I am estranged from my adult children. I haven’t seen or spoken to my daughters in more than two years. That was Labor Day weekend in 2010, and it was only accidental.

My oldest is 25, and rumor has it that she will be giving birth to my first grandchild this month. My Mom was invited to the baby shower. She stayed with me and went to the shower and told me when the baby was due…otherwise, I’d know nearly nothing.

My youngest is 23. She graduated from college this week. I learned this from my Mom, as well. She has a bachelor’s degree in social work from Kent State University. I thought she graduated last year, but my Mom says it took her five years to finish.

My shame comes from being that guy whose children will have nothing to do with him.

I divorced their mother a dozen years ago when they were 10 and 12 years old. They lived with me through their high school years and some of college. My oldest got her degree while living with me. My youngest lived with me until the beginning of her second year in college.

Soon after the divorce I met my current life partner. Soon after the divorce, my ex-wife met her current life partner. Neither of us went through some wild, dating frenzy. I found a steady relationship and my ex found a steady relationship.

I don’t pretend to understand why things went to Hell when my life partner moved in with me and my daughters, as my ex moved in with her life partner long before my girlfriend’s mother died and she moved in with us.

I’m told by reliable sources that I can never hope to understand the “female” dynamic that was at work when I tried to blend a family, but that felt like a cop out.

There was a whole lot of “You’re not the boss of me” going on around me all the time. I know much of the shame I feel comes from wishing I had handled that stress better. In hindsight, I realize that there really is no right way to fall on a grenade.

It still shames me that the two best things that ever came out of my marriage want nothing to do with me. I am embarrassed by it. I cringe every time someone asks me how my kids are doing because I have to lie or just say, “I don’t know.”

I don’t know how my kids are doing, and they both live within a 40-mile radius of my house.

When I let myself, I can be angry about this turn of events. That anger is way counterproductive to my humanity. I am only human, however; I can be King Lear so fast that it appalls me when I think of my grandchild and her soon-to-be-mother:

“If she must teem,
Create her child of spleen; that it may live,
And be a thwart disnatured torment to her!
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth;
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks;
Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt; that she may feel
How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
To have a thankless child!”

I don’t really feel like that, but there are days where I can barely rise above this kind of thinking. I hope the best for my children and grandchildren, and it would be beautiful if my daughter could have a healthy baby on Mother’s Day

I get angry at my ex, as well.

I cannot imagine a scenario in which I could tolerate knowing my children would have nothing to do with their mother. The circumstances surrounding how my ex had custody of our children but they ended up living with me is complicated, but I did not criticize my ex-wife to my children.

I can’t help thinking this estrangement somehow pleases my ex…it is some sort of revenge, I think on my bad days. I get angry that my parents know more about my children’s lives than I do.

I get angry because there are days when it feels like my children tried to make me choose between them and the person I love, but they embraced their mother’s relationship with her partner.

The shame and the anger chase each other around in my head most of the time. I know the anger and the shame are a waste of time. No one should think I am some martyr or a saint. I get mad and sad and mad again, and I always feel shame in my gut, but things got the way they are because I had to draw boundaries with my kids for my own well being.

I’d draw those same boundaries again…and most likely sooner, and part of my shame comes from how long it took me to draw those lines. It wasn’t good for any of us.

I have a picture of my girls on my refrigerator. They are probably 6 and 4 years old. They are in night shirts and they have been into the makeup. They have made themselves “beautiful” and they have plastic flowers clenched between their smiling teeth…they aren’t those people any longer inside their heads

…BUT, and all you parents know what I mean when I say, those smiling angels are still inside my head…and they will always be.

I grieve their loss, and I am ashamed and angry all at the same time…It’s my dirty little secret…here’s hoping that a problem shared is a problem halved.

Holy crap, that was 43 years ago

By Bill Devol

Holy crap, the Ohio National Guard murdered 4 random kids at Kent State University 43 years ago, this week.

Here’s the scary part…we, as a nation are even crazier now than we were then.

In 1970, we were up to our asses in dead Americans and dead Vietnamese, and the “establishment” (old white guys) became deranged because the children threw a hissy fit and would not keep their mouths shut while the government tried to see how many poor people they could grind up in a useless war.

First of all, could I please get one die-hard idiot to tell me how the kids at Kent State deserved to be fired upon? Many of you can remember people jumping up their own assholes back in 1970 trying to construct an alternate reality in which the kids at KSU needed killing?

My Dad’s twin brother was Principal at Miller’s Port High School here in Ohio in 1970. He claims that he paddled all students who wore black arm bands to school on May 5, 1970. I don’t know if he did, but that’s what he said he did.

The national retardation that came about following 9/11 and after the majority of Americans elected a black President…TWICE… continues to boil out of control.

One of the latest conspiracy theories is that President Obama is buying up all the ammunition so the regular folks can’t get enough ammo to embark on the armed insurrection that 44 percent of Republicans feel is becoming necessary.

When I was on vacation, I overheard a conversation at a country store, gas station, and restaurant combination just off the West Virginia turnpike. It went something like this:

“You been able to get any ammo? I can’t find any. It’s all bought up.”

“Hell, I can’t get more than a couple of hundred rounds for my pistol, and they ain’t no shotgun shells to be had anywheres.”

“I heard the guvmint was buying it all up. That damned Obama don’t want us to be able to get any ammo, and what you can find will cost you your left nut.”

I suggested that what was more likely was that the ammunition manufacturers where hoarding their supply so they could take advantage of the current national paranoia resulting from having a black President and they planned to flood the market with ammo at much higher prices later in the spring and summer.

They stared at me, and a fellow in a Duck Dynasty hat said, “You ain’t from around here, are you, boy.”

I left quickly.

Republicans on Capitol Hill won’t do anything to help victims of gun violence, but they are considering a bill that would “ban federal agencies, excluding the Pentagon, from buying more ammunition during a six-month period if it currently possesses more than its monthly averages during the Bush administration.” (
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com
)

We can’t get universal background checks for gun purchases, but we can consider bullet control for the good guys with guns that are the only thing that can stop the bad guys with guns.

Senator James Inhofe and Representative Frank Lucas are both Republicans from Oklahoma…a state which is attempting to win the craziest state award.

Speaking of Oklahoma, Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern, in a statement during debate on eliminating Affirmative Action in Oklahoma state government, said that she had seen “a lot of people of color who didn’t study hard because they said the government would take care of them.”

Kern went on to say, ““We have a high percentage of blacks in prison, and that’s tragic, but are they in prison just because they are black or because they don’t want to study as hard in school?” (
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com
)

Krazy Kern is concerned that Affirmative Action allows discrimination towards white people…because so much of that has happened in America. Ms. Kern also believes that gay love is more dangerous than terrorism.
http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com
).

I believe that the rush to craziness in America is a reaction to the fear the “establishment” (old white guys) feels when faced with losing the White House to a black man.

It is crazy in America again. In 1970 we shot kids. I’m not sure this current craziness won’t lead to more shooting. One thing that might cool us down after the 2014 mid-term elections is that President Obama will lose his cache as the ultimate boogeyman.

The Republicans aren’t going to let him accomplish jack squat. They are counting on current paranoia and their roadblocks to give them a majority in the Senate in 2014.

Of course, if the new President sworn into office in January 2017 is a Democrat with a uterus, I predict that the current craziness will be a fond memory for liberal and progressive Americans.

Remember Kent State.

They done what?

By Bill Devol

Ages ago I played football. Yes, we had helmets.

When I was a senior I weighed less than 200 pounds. I am 6 feet and 2 inches tall and I couldn’t catch a football so I was an offensive tackle.

We were playing Wellston High School when I saw my first 300-pound defensive lineman. Much to my chagrin, this man mountain of flesh was the defensive person I was expected to block. Oh, and he was at least 4 inches taller than I was.

All I did for the first quarter of the game was annoy this kid. Thank goodness he wasn’t fast because I could do nothing more than get an occasional grunt out of him.

In the second quarter of the game, I tried going low and shooting at his knees. It was unsportsmanlike as Hell…and ineffective. He just knelt on me…all 300 pounds kneeling on the small of my back.

Then I tried going high…attempting to smack him under his face guard which was not only unsportsmanlike but against the rules. That just pissed him off, and he kneed me in the stomach and south of my stomach.

In the second half of the game, I was exhausted from trying to cheap shot this kid. He was good and angry and he commenced to work me over in earnest. I was just lucky he spent more time whooping up on me than bothering to go after his real goal…our backfield.

These cowardly bastards in Boston that decided blowing up kids would make their dicks bigger found out what their side seems incapable of internalizing.

If you piss us off, we will be more than willing to kill you and anyone that aids you.

We are willing to kill people that look like you. We are willing to kill people that belong to your religion. We are willing to kill people with deep tans and dark facial hair…we are willing.

Richard Pryor used to say that the Japanese than thought up the attack on Pearl Harbor only knew white people from California. They didn’t realize that there were white people in Mississippi and Alabama that scare white people.

Pryor’s line was that on hearing about the Pearl Harbor attack, these scary white people said, “They done what? I guess we’re just gonna have to kill all of them, then.”

This isn’t an “America, love it or leave it” speech. I am proud of America, but I am the first to admit that we can be just a wee bit blood thirsty if you choose to fuck with us. Like it or not, Americans will band together to wipe out persons that mean us harm.

I just wish the terrorists would learn this lesson because so many innocent people get hurt while they refuse to get it. I wish they would learn that they aren’t really terrorists…they are more like angerists.

The more they fuck with us, the angrier we get, and the more willing we become to suspend our own long-held national beliefs and kill, maim, and torture them.

I was on vacation the week the Boston bombing was in the news. I want to tell these disaffected radicalized Muslims that there are folks from the shores of Lake Erie to the concrete lump at the southern-most point in the continental United States in Key West that are more than willing to help them meet their virgins in heaven.

I, being a liberal, commie, pussy, abhor violence, but I might be willing to look the other way if this asshole Dzhokhar Tsarnaev were left on a street corner in Boston for half of an hour early next week after authorities announce the location.

I know that is wrong. It’s as wrong as Fox and Friends nuts calling for torture and suspension of the Bill of Rights. It’s wrong, but it’s visceral, and, I fear, inevitable if these religious martyr wanna-bees don’t catch on that we have more than enough hate deep in our DNA to match their religious fervor.

How else do you explain the willingness of our citizens to let the government spend trillions of dollars and oceans of American blood to kill all those Muslims? We have national PTSD from 9/11. Instead of counseling, we’ve chosen revenge. It doesn’t look like that will change very soon.

Our legal system can handle our revenge. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev will never again see the light of day. If he doesn’t get the federal needle, he’ll have to spend the rest of his life in solitary. If he ends up in the general population, he won’t live long…and it really troubles me that I don’t seem to care what happens to him, as long as it’s painful and lasts a long time

Vacation

By Bill Devol

My partner, Gail, and I are going on vacation.

We have been together making a mockery of traditional marriage for nearly twelve years. Before we leave for vacation, we are getting our wills, medical powers of attorney, and living wills in order. I, for one, don’t want to lie about in a puddle of my own filth in a permanent vegetative state…in some southern state.

Our goal is Key West. We want to go to a place where an unmarried straight couple won’t raise a false eyelash on a Judy Garland impersonator. Perhaps a week in Key West will be just what I need to cleanse my palette of the nasty taste of some of the crap that’s being flung about in the media by those with medieval minds.

We will have to traverse West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Florida. If we move quickly and stop for food, gas, and lodging in well-lit places and we keep our Yankee mouths shut as much as possible, we should get through in one piece. After all, I’m missing a couple of prominent teeth and I look like one of the guys from Duck Dynasty.

In West Virginia, Mingo County Sheriff Eugene Crum died after he was shot in his car while having lunch. It is important to note that the gun used was innocent in this murder, because, as we all know, people kill people.

In a March 2012 article at iVillage (
http://www.ivillage.com
) West Virginia made it into the top five or bottom five (perspective being everything) worst states for women. The iVillage article analyzed health care, reproductive rights, economic success, access to affordable childcare, female representation in government, and educational attainment.

Gail likes to get through West Virginia quickly…in the daylight.

Virginia Attorney General Kenneth Cuccinelli has filed a petition with the 4th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals in Richmond asking the full 15-judge court to reconsider a decision by a three-judge panel last month that overturned the state’s sodomy law. Cuccinelli doesn’t want even straight couples to get blowjobs or butt sex…and we all remember Governor Vaginal Probe.

We will move quickly through Virginia.

Some Repubs in the North Carolina State House believe that states aren’t bound by this First Amendment wording, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” Congress can’t, the Repubs reason, but, we can. They are trying to pass a bill that would allow them to name an official religion for the state of North Carolina.

I have two words for you boys, and one of them is “off.”

South Carolina is a mixed bag.

While State Democrats have tapped Stephen Colbert’s sister, Elizabeth Colbert Busch, to run for an unexpired Senate seat, state Republicans are angry at their other Senator, Lindsay Graham (R), for being too liberal.

When Mark Sanford (R) was Governor, he went off with his lover to “hike the Appalachian Trail.” everybody, including his wife, wondered where the heck he went. Sanford has been tapped by state Republicans to challenge Ms. Busch for the unexpired senate term.

Type “KKK South Carolina” into Google, and you can navigate to the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan web site where you can discover that “Mikey” is the Klan’s Exalted Cyclops in South Carolina.

In South Carolina, if we stick to the east coast, we should be fine.

Savannah, Georgia is a beautiful city where people treated us like neighbors. We noticed a lot of same-sex couples walking their dogs…in broad daylight. However, the top Repub in Georgia is worried that those might be straight men pretending to be gay.

Georgia GOP Chairwoman Sue Everhart is worried about insurance fraud…

“You may be as straight as an arrow, and you may have a friend that is as straight as an arrow. Say you had a great job with the government where you had this wonderful health plan. I mean, what would prohibit you from saying that you’re gay, and y’all get married and still live as separate, but you get all the benefits? I just see so much abuse in this it’s unreal.”

Florida…Sea World, Disney, Universal Studios… Trayvon Martin, Governor Rick Scott, Pythons…orange blossoms, sunsets in the Gulf of Mexico, St. Augustine…

Florida is a melting pot of cultures. Sometimes the stuff in the pot tastes real good, and sometimes the stuff tastes real bad. All you need is a big drink of water to clean out the bad taste…right Senator Rubio?

I am looking forward to this trip. I am looking forward to spending quality time with Gail…and I am looking forward to being in a place where consenting adults stay out of each other’s business…from what I hear, Key West should fit the bill nicely.

History Does Repeat Itself

By Bill Devol

I’ve been writing a weekly blog since January of 2007. Dubya had announced “The Surge” in Iraq, and I was beside myself with fear and anger. I first started writing under an assumed name because I was afraid of financial repercussions. I soon realized that was cowardly, thanks to the brother of a man killed in Iraq, Clint Adamkavicius. Clint’s brother, Capt. Clayton L. Adamkavicius, died in Iraq on April 21, 2006.

To celebrate the tenth anniversary of the national abortion called the Iraq War, I’ve reprinted three columns from that first year of blogging. The lives of 4,487 Americans and untold trillions of dollars were wasted on a war we should have known better than to start.

BTW, in the last column, 1,500 More?, I was off by 658 dead people and five years…however, we unfortunately still have time to get more dead people.

As of this writing, two Presidents have gotten more than 2,000 Americans killed in Afghanistan, and that number will keep climbing because it’s bad politics to stop killing Muslims.

January 12, 2007 – History Lesson

Back in the spring of 1965, I was in fifth grade. Dad was a Navy Corpsman stationed in Kaneohe, Hawaii. One day Dad came home and gathered his four kids and my Mom together.

Dad said he was going to a place called Vietnam without us. The “good” government of South Vietnam was being attacked by the “bad” government of North Vietnam. Dad and his buddies had to go over there.

When I asked why, Dad said it was because Communists wanted to spread Communism. If we didn’t fight the Communists in Vietnam, we’d have to fight them in the streets of our cities. I got out a map and saw that Vietnam was very far from our cities.

Dad said Communists hated our freedom and wanted to enslave us. I looked up the population of North Vietnam and saw that there was no way they had enough people to enslave us. Dad said that the Russian and Chinese Communists had enough people to enslave us.

Dad was a career Navy man. He did what he was told to do and believed in the reasons he was given. Dad and his buddies went to Vietnam. Dad came back; some of his buddies did not.

Dad stayed in the Navy. In 1966, we got stationed in Bethesda, Maryland.

Over the next two years, President Lyndon Johnson would come on television now and again and tell us we had to stop those Communists from spreading Communism by sending more troops.

That’s when I started paying closer attention.

I knew we had been in Vietnam longer than it took us to beat Hitler AND Tojo. I thought very hard about why we couldn’t beat such a tiny country with so many troops.

In 1968, I concluded that the war was being run by morons. That was frightening for a 13-year-old boy. Our government was killing its own citizens because it was incompetent.

In the spring of 1968, I was in eighth grade. One day Dad came home and gathered his four kids and my Mom together. Those Communists were still pesky. Dad and some new buddies would have to go back to Vietnam.

I wanted to know why President Johnson was trying to kill my father, but a serviceman’s kid is supposed to be stoic; I kept my mouth shut. Dad ruined the President’s plan and came home alive a second time. More of his buddies died.

Hugging your Dad goodbye knowing you might never see him again is terrible. If you are lucky, the first time you do it is when your Dad is an old man going into surgery after a long, happy life. I did it twice before I was 14.

Last week, President Bush went on television and told us we had to stop Terrorists from spreading Terrorism. He wants to send more troops to Iraq. He spoke of bloody sacrifice.

Hey, you little Texas idiot; what are you sacrificing besides your political legacy?

It’s the Mommies and Daddies that will die! It’s the kids that will hug their parents goodbye not knowing if they will ever see them again…some kids for the third and fourth time!

Make no mistake; your reasons are no better than President Johnson’s reasons.

The Dixie Chicks were right.

August 24, 2007 – Good Morning Iraqnam

George W. Bush is worried that Iraq will become another Vietnam. Holy Moley!

This week, I bring you a quiz. Decide whether the following quotes were made about the war in Iraq or the war in Vietnam. The era and the author will be revealed at the end…don’t cheat!

  1. “We are at war with the most dangerous enemy that has ever faced mankind in his long climb from the swamp to the stars, and it has been said if we lose that war, and in so doing lose this way of freedom of ours, history will record with the greatest astonishment that those who had the most to lose did the least to prevent its happening.”
  2. “It has been said that the United States was deceived into entering and expanding the __________ War by its own overoptimistic propaganda. The record suggests, however, that the policy-makers stayed…not so much because of overly optimistic hopes of winning…as because of overly pessimistic assessments of the consequences of losing.”
  3. “We seem bent upon saving the __________…, even if we have to kill them and demolish their country to do it….I do not intend to remain silent in the face of what I regard as a policy of madness which, sooner or later, will envelop my son and American youth by the millions for years to come.”
  4. “This war in __________ is, I believe, a war for civilization. Certainly it is not a war of our seeking. It is a war thrust upon us and we cannot yield to tyranny.”
  5. “The war against __________ is only the ghastliest manifestation of what I’d call imperial provincialism, which afflicts America’s whole culture–aware only of its own history, insensible to everything which isn’t part of the local atmosphere.”
  6. “If the Americans do not want to support us anymore, let them go, get out! Let them forget their humanitarian promises!”
  7. “It is always a strain when people are being killed. I don’t think anybody has held this job who hasn’t felt personally responsible for those being killed.”
  8. “I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling rejected by the American people. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the war.”
  9. “I hear the headlines on the radio, see them on TV and read them in the paper. When I hear from the men out there, I sometimes don’t believe they are talking about the same situation.”
  10. “If, when the chips are down, the world’s most powerful nation, the United States of America, acts like a pitiful, helpless giant, the forces of totalitarianism and anarchy will threaten free nations and free institutions throughout the world.”

OK. It was a trick quiz; all the quotes were made about the war in Vietnam. The words were spoken or written by;

1) Ronald Reagan 2) Jonathan Schell, The Real War 3) George McGovern 4) Francis Cardinal Spellman 5) Stephen Vizinczey 6) Nguyen Van Thieu 7, 8, 9) Lyndon Baines Johnson 10) Richard M. Nixon

Dubya might finally be on to something.

July 27, 2007 – 1,500 More?

According to Robert Dallek in his new book, Nixon and Kissinger: Partners in Power, Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger knew in 1971 that the Vietnam War could not be won by military action. They knew that the South Vietnamese Army was a joke. They knew that they could never mobilize enough American troops to seal the Laotian and Cambodian borders to cut off enemy supplies and reinforcements. They knew the jig was up.

That was 1971. It would be four years before that last helicopter lifted off of the U. S. Embassy roof in Saigon. Dallek goes on to point out that 23,000 more Americans died from the time Nixon knew it was hopeless to the time the war finally ended. The total United States Vietnam death toll was more than 55,000 women and men.

I know I was an English major, but my crude math skills tell me that 41% of those killed in the Vietnam War were killed after the President knew the war could never be won.

Dallek says that Nixon kept up the fight to give America a chance to save face. He wanted it to look like America negotiated its way out of the war with honor.

Bush and Cheney have to know the Iraq War is a hopeless cluster fuck. (I’m not sure they do, but we’ll say they know.) They know that the Iraq Army will never stand up. They know we just don’t have enough guys in uniform to seal the borders and keep the Sunni, Shiite, and Kurdish factions off of each other’s backs. They know it’s over.

What if the death toll so far (3,645 as of 7/27/07) is only 59% of the eventual death toll? That would mean another 1,500 troops would die by the time the last helicopter lifts off of the roof of our embassy in Baghdad.

We are losing about 100 a month in Iraq. At that rate, we need only stay in country until Election Day of 2008 to lose an additional 1,500 souls.

Those additional 1,500 humans are Dead Men and Women Walking right now.

Somewhere there is a woman wondering what married life will really be like. She doesn’t know it’s a moot point because she will be marrying the Grim Reaper before November 4, 2008.

Somewhere there is a guy thinking about taking his Grandson fishing when his tour is up. He will never put another line in the water because he will be dead by November 4, 2008.

Frankly, I see only one way to save these people’s lives.

As long as there is a dime to spend on bullets, Bush and Cheney will hide in the White House and scream, “Lock and Load.” Bush and Cheney are not coming to their senses any time before they leave office. Republicans and Democrats in Washington should quit fighting over who is more outraged by the other’s behavior and cut the funds for this war.

The Ides of March

By Bill Devol

I am a dirty, hippie Satanist…Oh, and I am not very polite and I am ill-mannered, as well. That’s according to a textbook used by voucher schools in Louisiana.

Voucher schools are schools that offer “alternative” educational opportunities to the youth of Louisiana by way of tax vouchers issued by the state. Parents take the voucher money and enroll their children in schools that teach them (among other things) that people and dinosaurs lived side-by-side.

I’ve managed to obtain some excerpts from some of the textbooks used by these Louisiana voucher schools. I think you’ll find them interesting.

The Civil War

Before the Civil War (1860-1865) white people and the Nigras they owned lived, for the most part, in harmony in an agrarian partnership. The Nigras would do all the work, and the white people that owned them would feed and usually clothe the Nigras.

Occasionally, a Nigra might get up to some shenanigans that required correction, but the whippings were merciful and done with very, very soft leather bullwhips.

The white people that lived in the northern states weren’t smart enough to own Nigras so they got jealous and started a war whose sole purpose was to get southern white people to share their Nigras. This desire to share the Nigras was thwarted by the northern dictator Abraham Lincoln when he signed the Emancipation Proclamation which said that if the south wouldn’t share, then no one could own Nigras.

Earth Science

Six-thousand years ago, give or take a couple of weeks, God created the heavens and the earth and all the animals and then he created Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve) to have dominion over all the animals.

There were cute little kittens and cows and fire-breathing dragons, but the biggest problems Adam and Eve faced were not sinning and keeping the dinosaurs out of the petunias.

One day, Eve screwed the whole thing up by eating of the forbidden fruit and getting Adam to eat some, as well. That’s when all the dinosaurs died and Eve started having periods and PMS. Eve ruined everything.

The Civil Rights Movement

In 1954, some Nigras started complaining about not being allowed to pee where the white people peed. They wanted to go to white people’s schools because they had ruined their schools by leaving MD 20/20 bottles and half-empty malt liquor cans all over the place.

Somehow the Nigras got a pushy lawyer to sue the white people and eventually the Supreme Communist Court of the United States said white people had to start going to school with Nigras.

Then Martin Luther King took time from sleeping with anything in a skirt to agitate perfectly happy Nigras into wanting to eat at the lunch counters in stores and to give up their preferred seating at the back of buses.

When a bunch of Nigras tried to attack Selma, Alabama, the white people defended themselves, but the northern media turned the whole thing around to make the white people look bad. That’s when Lyndon B. Johnson rammed the Voting Rights Act through Congress.

In 1967, the Supreme Communist Court of the United States said it was legal for Nigras and white people to get married…that’s when all Hell broke loose. Martin Luther King got killed in a gang drive-by shooting and Nigras tried to burn several major cities to the ground.

The Ku Klux Klan

First organized in the early 1860s, the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) was a community group that wanted to introduce sanitary medical practices into the lives of Nigras. They wore sterile white gowns and sterile white hoods to minimize the transfer of germs during medical procedures like tar and feathering and lynching.

The KKK has been infiltrated by different law enforcement agencies (the FBI, for example) during its history. That’s where the lies about its philosophy were started. The KKK concept of white supremacy refers to the belief that sterile white gowns and hoods should be used exclusively when treating the diseases of the Nigra.

President Obama

This Kenya-born, Muslim, communist stole the 2008 and 2012 Presidential elections with the help of the New Black Panthers, ACORN, and dirty, Satanist hippies.

Since his election, Barack Obama has worked tirelessly to turn America into a place where hard-working white people have to foot the bill for Nigras, white trash, and the other, not-white people in America that refuse to work no matter how many jobs rich white people create.

_____________________________________________________________

If ignorance is bliss, the kids in Louisiana voucher schools must be the most blissed out people in America. These are the kids that will grow up one day and get jobs wiping my ass in the old folk’s home.

Perhaps by then they will be able to tell my ass from a hole in the ground…I can only hope.

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